My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
