i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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