Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
