Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
