JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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