I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Plan B is the new Plan A
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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