Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Boobs speak an international language.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
