dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
