There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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