I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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