I wish my penis had an off switch
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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