Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
