I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize