New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bed smells like the plague
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize