its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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