Screwed.edu
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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