my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
