I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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