last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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