Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
