2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize