Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
