I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
