Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
