I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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