capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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