I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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