This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
