How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
