You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
