Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
