I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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