well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I got inside last night via doggy door
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
