I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
its liver damage thursday
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
