I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
