We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
