Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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