how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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