I love black thongs
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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