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As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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