so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
birth control should be required to get into college
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
