Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
