What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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