i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
