I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
