I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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