when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize