Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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