I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
