Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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