i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
