You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
