I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
