I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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