If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
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I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
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The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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