You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
