I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
