Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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