so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
