WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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