update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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