Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
