forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
