My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
