True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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