I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We had sex on a dog bed..
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
