you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
