Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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