mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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