Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
