The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
