And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
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Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
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WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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