yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"