She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
