I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
