My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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