i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i would punch a child for taco bell
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
