he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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