I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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