I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Come on in and take your pants off
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