Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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