I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
