I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
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We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
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How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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