Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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