he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
