evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
