when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
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The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
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Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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